Absolutely (Larson) Page 9
Hope diminishes when he says, “I'll see you Monday, then.” He releases me. It’s amazingly cold in the Texas heat without him holding onto me.
“Hey,” I stop him with my hand on his arm. “What did you need?”
“Nothing that can’t wait,” he replies, smiling. The smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “I'll talk to you later.” Kiel walks off, leaving me dumbfounded. When he’s a block away, I get honked at again. I rush to the car, opening the door to Jenna’s squeals and giggles. I spill my guts about everything that happened last night.
Chapter 9
Kiel
After scaring the crap out of her on the bus, she thinks I want to change seats. Why would I want her to go sit with Miller? I’m definitely sending out mixed signals. I'm also a nervous wreck. This isn’t in the plan.
What keeps running through my mind, though, is what my parents would think of her. Sure, she's beautiful. Sure, she’s amazing. But there's all this other junk that comes with her. They only want what’s best for me after everything that’s happened.
Despite those thoughts, I watch her attempt to stay awake, thoroughly amused. Finally, I wrap my arm around her and let her fall asleep on me. With the comfortable weight of her leaning on me, I fall asleep also. And wake with a start to a flashing light. Assuming it was a passing car, I shrug it off and send out a few texts to my mom and Ashlyn’s.
When I wake up, we’re pulling into the school parking lot. After I let her know about my text to her mom, I have a tough time letting her slip out from under my arm. If there were a way to stop time, we’d still be in each other’s arms.
I make sure Ashlyn gets to her mom’s car and climb in the car with my own mother. Typical Mom, she was watching me watch Ashlyn.
“Quién es la ella?" she asks with a silly grin,
“Ashlyn,” I answer.
“Ashlyn who?” she presses.
“Ashlyn the cheerleader?”
“Don’t mess with me, mijo. I got mom vision!”
“You’re nuts, Mom.”
“So?”
“Ashlyn Ramos,” I say, relenting.
“No! The girl Liliana keeps talking about? That Ashlyn Ramos?” Mom asks suspiciously. It does matter what they think of her, after all. Liliana has a thing for gossip, though. The worse the gossip is, the happier she is to spread it. I guess it’s one of her many coping mechanisms. It must help her forget that she hates it here and blames me.
“Yes, Mamá, but it’s rumors and gossip. Don’t make me tell Father Esquivel that you’ve been believing them.”
“Kiel Andrés Fuller. Don’t go threatening me!”
“It wasn’t threatening, Mamá. Ashlyn is a good person. Don’t judge her by the rumors. She gets enough of that already.” Like I keep judging her…I think to myself. At least I can admit it.
“Will I get to meet her anytime soon, mijo? She's very pretty. Do you think she likes Mexican food?” she says all mischievous again. I just laugh.
“Mamá,” I warn her as we pull into our carport.
“What? Everyone loves my special enchiladas.”
The truth is, very few people outside our culture have a taste for mole. Chocolate enchilada sauce. I'm not even completely sold on it, and Dad nearly gags around it. Good thing we’re home now or she’d have kept on about mole and Ashlyn.
***
It was definitely a mistake going to Ashlyn’s house today. I don’t remember making a conscious decision to do it. I want to see her, though. That’s as far as I had gotten with my plan as I reach out to ring the bell.
Only, the door flies open and she’s plastered to my chest. I reach out to steady her. When she’s safely against me, I keep her there. It feels right and comfortable. Like that’s where she's meant to be. We’re both flustered.
I get lost in her hazel eyes. Her lips part slightly. Another layer of my resolve slips away. I keep my arm wrapped around her even after I hear a car honking behind us. It drags us both back to reality. She waves to whoever’s in the car. I may not know who they are, but I'm pissed and grateful at the same time. I decide I need to get away from her, though it sounds like she's trying to get me to go with her.
I’ve gotta jet. This is getting complicated, and Mom’s threatening mole. There's disappointment etched on her face when she sees my desire to escape from her. I know she doesn’t get it. Turning to leave, I want so badly to go back to her and fix it. The need is almost overwhelming. Almost.***
Eventually, I make it home after taking an extremely circuitous route. My mind is now on next weekend and the band auditions. I have emails to send out and phone calls to make. Hands shoved in my pockets, I stop on my own porch. I'm regretting walking away instead of taking her up on her unspoken offer.
I'm suffering from Ashlyn deficiency again.
Taking one hand out of its pocket, I go in. Liliana is trolling through some site or another as usual. Everyone’s business is her business. I hear her gasp as she turns to see me standing in the doorway.
“OMG, Kiel! Is this you and that ho Ashlyn? Oh my—”
“Lili!” my mom shouts. “Don’t you take the Lord’s name in vain! What’s the yelling about?”
“Mom,” Liliana yelps. “You gotta see what your baby boy was doing on the bus!”
“I was sleeping, Mom,” I say, irritated at Lili.
Mom had already fielded the call from Coach, exonerating me. He had to make it clear to her that I would be sharing the punishment to hide the fact that I was the narc. So, it was with confusion that she walked over to Liliana.
“Lili…” I warn.
“What?” she says, shrugging with feigned innocence. It’s too late to stop her though. Mom already has the phone in her hands.
Her expression goes from unhappy to thoughtfulness to contemplation as she examines the low-quality picture. Then her gaze returns to mine.
“Bring her to dinner, mijo. I want to meet her. And Lili, querida, you shouldn’t call people ‘ho’.” To Liliana’s credit, she blushes.
Doing some contemplating of my own (of fratricide), I snatch the phone from Lili’s hands to see who’s profile that picture is under. It’s been liked and shared so many times that it’s futile.
“Kiel, you jerk, give it back!” I'm holding it up high, provoking the beast. I’ve only got seconds before I get my shins kicked. My sister’s not short, but she learned to appreciate the art of the low blow, growing up with me. Timing it perfectly, right as her foot starts to rise, I hand the phone back.
“Lili,” I say, stern, “if I hear you’re helping to spread the rumors, I'll share some of those pictures I took last summer.” She lost a lot of weight before we moved here.
She narrows her eyes at me. “You wouldn’t dare!” she hisses.
“Oh, I wouldn’t? Those pictures can go viral quickly. Want me to go hunt down the files?”
“Ooh!” she grits out from between her teeth and actually stomps.
“Lili?” I say, asking for a decision.
“Fine, Kiel. But don’t expect me to be, like, nice to her when she comes over. I got better things to do.”
‘When’ Ashlyn comes over. Like it’s already set in stone. A given. More and more, that’s what it seems to be heading.
***
Ashlyn
At Caf-Fina with the girls, the conversation turns swiftly to the topic of Kiel. They dig for more details.
“He sang to you? How romantic,” Jenna sighs.
“What was it like, sleeping on his muscle-y chest?” D'Nae asks, the caffeine slowly working its way into her bloodstream.
“Muscle-y, D'Nae?” I ask without answering.
“Yes, now tell us what it was like,” D'Nae demands.
“Um,” is all I can come up with.
“That means it was heavenly and decadent,” Jenna interprets for D'Nae with utmost confidence.
Then I ask, “Do either of you know who posted that picture first?”
“Nope, it’s made the rounds,�
� Jenna says. “Kiel is going to ask you out soon, I can feel it!” Random. D'Nae rolls her eyes.
A girl can hope, though.
***
That’s what I'm looking forward to when I wake up on Monday morning. Not that there’s much else to look forward to. I take extra time on my appearance this morning. I straightened my hair, polished finger- and toenails, and applied a little extra makeup. There’s even one of Brisa’s fancy headbands in my hair instead of a utilitarian elastic one.
I dug out my favorite skinny jeans. The ones I saved up for and are reserved for special days. I chose a sheer hi-lo top that floats around my waist with a lacy tank underneath. And black flats also borrowed from Brisa. I wanted to impress him or at least give him incentive to ask me out.
Walking and grinning like an idiot, I make it to our usual meet-up place. He’s nowhere to be seen. All the wonderful feelings sustaining me this morning crumble to a single craptastic one: disappointment. I keep walking, because what else can I do? Maybe he was just late or sick.
I choose to focus on those possibilities.
Of course, if he's sick, today will be rank, miserable. I'm going all drama-queen and shake myself mentally. I still have Jenna and D'Nae, regardless.
A block later, I'm eyeing every corner and alley checking for stray dogs or creepy, windowless white vans. I vow to lay off the scary movies. Especially The Hills Have Eyes type.
I clutch my phone almost defensively in my hands, my mom’s number pulled up just in case. A red Jeep turns onto the street in front of me. Minding my own business, I keep my head down.
Out of my peripheral vision, I see the Jeep stop beside me. Oh, Lord. Someone’s hollering at me from the Jeep over loud music.
“Hey! Ashlyn,” and my heart stops. I slowly turn, finger on the call icon.
It’s Kiel. Thank you, Lord! I slap my hand over my pounding heart and roll my eyes heavenward.
“Uh, Ash?” He squints at me and gets out of the Jeep. He jerks his thumb at the car, saying, “I swung by to give you a ride…if you, you know, want one.”
He sounded wholly unsure of himself. I lower my eyes from the heavens down to him. The heavens followed me down. He’s standing there, hands in pockets, in dark, fitted jeans and a T-shirt with the name of one of my favorite bands plastered across his chest. I could stare at his MUSE tee all day.
“Ash?”
“You really gotta stop scaring the crap out of me. You’re taking years off of my life, you know that?” I say, trying to tear my gaze from his pecs.
“Yeah,” he laughs, “I can tell. About that ride?”
“Absolutely!” I say too loudly. I size up the Jeep. It has a lift kit. Nice. But how am I getting into it?
He reads my face and chuckles. “I'll help you up.” Kiel goes around with me and offers his arm. I sling my backpack in first and climb in. Funny thing about Jeeps? They have their own mix-and-match wardrobe, with removable pieces to fit the driver’s mood. Kiel has the doors off today and a hard top on.
The seatbelt is harness-style, so I consider acting like it’s a mystery to me to get him close to me. But decide against it. He’s standing there, waiting to make sure I get it on right.
Once I’m buckled, he heads to his side. I watch him walk around.
“I didn’t know you had a car,” I say, feeling kind of stupid.
“My dad had to borrow it while his was in the shop,” Kiel says, like he’s apologizing for something.
I know he’s not into talking. But I gotta know. “Why were you coming from that direction?” I ask and point in the direction of our school.
“Because, Ashlyn, if I came up behind you, your heart would’ve stopped completely.”
“You're probably right,” I laugh.
“Too many scary movies over the summer break?” he asks with a grin.
“Way, way too many,” I say.
Then we’re silent. The radio is on to one of the local stations. There aren’t many to choose from, but he’s managed to find a good song nonetheless. I'm not sure why it feels so much different than the times—the hall, the rainy day, the bus ride. But it is. It makes me reluctant to sing along. I tap my fingers along to the rhythm instead.
***
Kiel
I feel guilty for my lie of omission. I didn’t tell Ashlyn I had gotten my car back. But before that, I never even told her I had one. And the lie about coming from school…
I made it to the parking lot of the school, put the Jeep in park, then rolled my eyes. It had been eating me alive since I woke up this morning. I bit Liliana’s head off when she asked for a ride. For that, I got a call from Mom rebuking my unkind spirit, as she called it.
In defeat, I spin out of the parking lot, leaving tire marks. How could I have talked myself into thinking I could actually do it. That girl hated walking alone.
And if I were being honest, I missed her.
She doesn’t disappoint when I see her walking toward me. Her head is down, her phone in hand. When I holler at her, her head jerks up, eyes wide. Ashlyn is scared witless, but looks relieved to see me. I have to ask her if she wants a ride twice, like I've made her do for weeks now.
I notice small things different about her today. Not that she needs the makeup and girly stuff, but damn. It makes all the other girls seem below average, even at the game Friday night. Ashlyn, hands down, was the most beautiful girl there.
I help her into the Jeep and let go. We watch each other and the tension between us is ridiculously thick. The small talk is even annoying, because I’d rather be doing something else with our lips. If my body gets its way, that’s what we’ll be doing soon.
But my mind keeps replaying our “moment” on the bus. That’s how it should be every time. My hormones may disagree—Any time, any place is what they say.
Awkward silence reigns for a minute, I see her tapping along to the music. I know she’s not a tapper. That’s not how she feels the music. She's a singer. To make her feel more comfortable, I start to sing along. “Santeria” by Sublime follows the last song. Her lips turn up in a huge grin when I go for it, full force, getting into the lyrics. It’s one of the all-time best songs to sing.
Ashlyn’s smile has grown bigger and she jumps in, singing loud. Her whole body gets into singing it. Her hands are going, her head is bobbing. It’s crazy. We’re still singing as we pull into the parking lot.
We get some looks—OK, everyone is staring. I don’t care, and neither does she apparently. When she sings the curse word, it makes me laugh. She doesn’t cuss, which sets her even further apart from the other girls. Like I said, she's sweet. It makes me want her that much more.
We both hold the last note. That’s when she looks me dead in the eyes and I swear she can see right into my soul. See me wanting her. But I can’t act on it. The cheerfulness drains from my face. Disappointment etches into her features again as she turns away. Damn it. Why am I holding back?
Ashlyn literally jumps out of the Jeep before I can even shut it off. Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, because the girl affects me, I get out and have to lengthen my stride to catch up before she goes in. People are now watching as I chase her down.
Instead of trying to make it low profile by finding her later, I stupidly reach for her arm. I startle her—again. She tugs away before she realizes it’s me. Right there, at the entrance with an audience of students trying to get past us, my eyes are drawn to hers once again. I see all the hurt from the constant mixed signals from me. I remember the audience and barely stop myself from leaning in to kiss the hurt away.
I'm about to lose my nerve. We can’t go on like this, without her knowing how she makes me feel. I lower my head until my lips are at her ear and whisper, “Ash, I really have to kiss you soon. Very, very soon.”
Her eyes are almost closed and her breathing seems to have stopped. “Ashlyn,” I whisper, “If you don’t start breathing, I'll administer mouth-to-mouth. Which will have to count as our first kiss.”
I remove my hand from her elbow and place it on the small of her back as we join the ranks crowding the hall. She allows it, whether from shock or from pleasure, I'm not sure. I decide to take it one step further. I inch closer and slide my arm all the way around her waist.
When she relaxes into my hold, I feel victorious. It’s better than the euphoria of a touchdown. Being close to her is heady.
Walking toward her locker, we see there are no pictures taped up. Before I can celebrate, Reyna comes out of nowhere and confronts Ashlyn.
“Bitch! I know it was you that narced us out. You always pretended to be better than us. So watch your back, Ash!”
“You do know I just heard that, right?” I ask flatly.
Stupidly, she turns her gaze to me with a blush and retracts her threats. “I was only joking, Kiel! Like I’d do anything to hurt Ash,” she bats her drug-store eyelashes and flashes her overly white smile. Thankfully she hasn’t noticed my arm around Ashlyn. I slowly remove it, hoping Reyna won’t have one more thing to use against her.
Reyna winks at me and glares at Ashlyn as she walks away. I may have dug myself into a hole by faking interest in that bitch.
***
Ashlyn
There are many thoughts vying for my attention just now, but one dominates over all the others. It’s the only one I want to think about, ever. I want to revel in it until those words are reality.
He wants to kiss me!
It’s become my mantra.
In his Jeep, I wasn’t sure what he wanted from this thing we have, whatever it is. It’s been shared moments followed by estrangement. Feeling that we’ve connected, then a disconnect. We may have only known each other two weeks, but that was more than enough time to confuse the heck out of me.
This morning, we’d talked. He'd been happy to see me, I'm sure of it. He’d sung along with me, reminding me of what a stellar voice he has. Yet another frozen-in-time moment followed by his typical disengaging, shutting me out quickly.